Celebrated or Tolerated?

By Darasimi Oshodi

Have you ever been with people who never saw anything good in you? Have you associated with people who would always tear you down with their words and actions? These people do not think you are worth anything and they try to lecture you on what you must do before they approve of you.

On the other hand, have you been with people who see in you the good that you never thought was there? People who encourage you to be the best. People who love you for you. People you do not have to impress before they accept and approve of you. People who see you as the best thing to happen to them or as the next superstar and will not stop at anything to inspire your confidence.

I want to assume that you have at one time or the other been with these two sets of people. But the sad thing I have noticed is that there is a tendency for us to stick to the crowd that tolerates us instead of staying with the crowd that celebrates us. I think the reason for this is simple. We want to feel accepted and if there are people who show us that we have not earned their acceptance, we want to do everything to earn their acceptance. But if I may ask, why do you need the acceptance of someone or those who do not accept you unconditionally before correcting you? Must you earn anyone’s acceptance before you feel good about yourself? Why don’t you bask in the fact that there is a crowd cheering you on in your journey through life. Why do you neglect and trivialise the company of those who accept you first before making suggestions on how to improve some aspects of your life?

I believe I have a great smile. In fact I believe my smile can disarm anyone. I believe my smile can melt any heart. But you will be shocked if I tell you where this belief came from – from a commercial motorcyclist! That was many years ago. I was trying to persuade him to accept a particular amount of money as the fare I had to pay him for transporting me to where I was going, when he commented on my smile. Since that day, I have always believed that I have a great smile. Recently, my inspirational boss commented on my voice and I cannot tell you how much that comment has boosted my self-confidence. A personal rule that I follow is to identify the people who celebrate me and stick with them.

Your self-portrait determines your self-confidence and those you stick with have a big part in shaping your self-portrait. Your self-portrait is the way you see yourself and what people say about you contributes to how you see yourself. Do you then see why you need to associate with those who water the seed of greatness in you? It is because your self-portrait controls your self-confidence and conduct. You will always act out what you think you are. So who is that person who speaks to the greatness in you? Identify your cheerleaders and stick with them. Who is that person who celebrates you? Don’t you think it is better to stick to such a person than to seek the favour of the one who only tolerates you?

I leave you with this question: are you being celebrated by those people you are with or are you just being tolerated?