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I Thought of AIDS as a Gay Man’s Disease and I was Neither a Man nor Was I Gay

Michelle Anderson is a mother, an activist, and a recent beauty pageant winner

Ray Jordan,

Michelle Anderson is a mother, an activist, and a recent beauty pageant winner. However, she is more than that. She’s also one of the thousands of African American women living with HIV/AIDS. While HIV and AIDS was once considered to be a White gay male disease, the face of HIV has shifted dramatically and now overwhelmingly affects African Americans with a sharp increase in African American women. In fact, according to the National Women’s Health Information Center, an office of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Black women are 15 times more likely to be infected with HIV than are White women and are four times more likely than that of Latinas.

Anderson’s story, while tragic, is not that different than thousands of other women. Sexually abused as a child and unable to handle the emotional trauma she experienced as a result of it, she sought refuge in drugs and alcohol.

“I made some bad decisions,” Anderson admitted. “And, some (decisions) stemmed from being molested as a child.” She explains how she turned to drugs and alcohol and to having sex for money when she could no longer afford the drugs.

“I knew my behavior was risky,” she says, “but, I thought of AIDS as a gay man’s disease and I was neither a man nor was I gay.”

However, during drug treatment Anderson was given an HIV test and describes being stunned when the test came back positive. “I was in disbelief. I was shocked. I was angry. I thought I was going to die and that there was no reason to continue drug treatment.” But before she gave up and left the treatment center, she had a dream. “I’m a spiritual person,” Anderson said. “I had an overwhelming feeling that everything was going to be ok. While in treatment, I had a dream that I would die of old age not HIV. It’s the only reason I stayed.”

Anderson’s story, unfortunately, is not that uncommon. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention reports that 1 in 32 Black women will be diagnosed with HIV in their lifetime. This means that Black women, although only 12 percent of the female population, account for 61 percent of all new HIV cases among women. In fact, HIV/AIDS is the third leading cause of death among Black women aged 25 to 34 and 35 to 44, the majority of whom, like Anderson, contracted the virus through heterosexual sex.

Research points to several complex factors that have led to the prevalence of HIV/AIDS within the Black community and the dramatic increase among Black women, two of which are socioeconomic factors and stigma. Social and economic realities of some African Americans have shown to increase HIV risk. These realities include higher levels of poverty, racial discrimination, lack of healthcare access and higher rates of incarceration, which disrupt social and sexual networks. CDC research has shown that poverty is associated with a higher risk of HIV infection among African Americans, even among those who do not have high-risk behaviors.

Studies have also shown that the stigma associated with both an HIV diagnosis and sexual orientation can be greater within the African American community and therefore invoke fear of disclosing one’s HIV status. Subsequently, this causes an obstacle to education, treatment, and further disease prevention. This fear, according to the CDC, can also prevent African Americans from receiving the much-needed support of friends and family that a newly diagnosed person needs.

As with many other HIV positive African American women, Anderson describes the experiences with her friends and family as bittersweet. “It was really hard at first with my family. They weren’t educated. I had to really deal and go through a process of reeducating them. It took a little while, but they were able to accept it,” she says. Anderson has persevered and in spite of sensitive experiences within her family and romantic relationships, she has become an activist and advocate for other women living with HIV.

Almost 12 years since her diagnosis, Anderson, at 40 years old, is healthy, happy, and the newly crowned Ms. Duncanville Plus. She describes herself as fully disclosed, even with new dating partners, as she raises a teenager. Knowing that it may mean the end of a promising relationship or even cause difficulty for her youngest daughter who isn’t quite 17 years old, she’s not deterred. Yes, she’s had some men not want to continue dating because of her status and although her daughter has experienced taunting at school, Anderson and her three children are fine with that. She knows that living her truth is better than living in shame. She has a message to share.

“The most important thing that people need to realize is that we all share the same vulnerabilities. Everyone wants to think about the behavior, but the behavior is just a symptom of the vulnerability. We all share the same vulnerabilities, the only difference is I’m infected and they’re not.”

You can listen to Michelles’ radio  here http://www.blogtalkradio.com/poziam/2010/11/08/michelle-anderson–hiv-beauty-queen

Black Voices

Ray Jordan, Special to the NNPA from the Dallas Examiner[ad#Adsense-468×60]

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And the winner is “you have beautiful lips”

A new survey just released shows that praising a woman on her lips is the best way to enter her heart. I hope the single African guys who need a little help in the romance department might add this to their pick up lines.

The site (badoo) which conducted the survey has 87 million registered users. The survey analyzed the success rates of opening lines from nearly 200,000 online flirtations in 11 languages.

The sites members were asked to use one of 12 different ice-breakers, each complimenting a woman on a characteristic of her body or appearance. Success was determined by 1) prompting any response and 2) launching a conversation.

And the winner is … “You have beautiful lips.”

Even though the beautiful lips compliment was successful across all countries, some compliments did better in some countries than others. For instance, for

  • American, Australian and Brazilian women: Tell her how beautifully she dresses.
  • Spaniards: Compliment her hair.
  • Germans and Canadians: Tell her her skin is perfect
  • If she’s Dutch or Portuguese, concentrate on the ears. According to the survey, they liked: “You have beautiful ears.”
  • Sweden – – – “You have a beautiful figure”
  • Poland: It’s all about the arms.  Just say “You have beautiful arms”

African women were not represented in the survey. In any case, if you’re not sure what the woman will appreciate most, just stick to the lips; it works for all of them. It will surely work for the African woman.

If you want to graciously share your personal experience with African women, the space below is yours. Go ahead.[ad#Adsense-200by200sq]

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Today in fashion: Flatter your face with earrings

by KATE HALIM

Do you believe that wearing a pair of earrings could flatter your face? There are few women who have perfect face shapes, others who are not so lucky think of changing their hair styles often to make them look great.

Earrings are a popular piece of jewellery and it is essential to choose the right ones for your face shape, because wearing the right earrings will lift and define your facial features. To determine your face shape, start by pulling your hair away from your forehead with a hair band, stand in front of a mirror and trace the outline of your face with a soap bar or lipstick in the mirror.

Below are some face shapes and best earrings to flatter your face:
The oval face is the ideal shape, and many kinds of earrings could go for this shape perfectly. You can try some sterling silver earrings, but avoid sporting a too-long face, don’t wear incredibly long shapes that will pull the face down.
Ladies who have round faces will have to make their face look slimmer, and the long length earrings are really helpful. Circular earrings, such as hoops, as well as tiny studs and button earrings are a no-no for this face shape.

To balance the wide forehead for the heart face, you should wear chandelier and teardrop earrings. Avoid earrings that have the same shape as your face, like heart-shaped hoops and short earrings. For ladies endowed with square face, which is characterized by strong and broad forehead with angular jaw and a square hair line, circular earrings, such as hoops do the magic. Square, rectangular or harshly angled earrings that echo your face shape should be done away with.

The oblong face shape is longer than it is wide, ladies with this face should lift their faces with statement chandelier earrings, as well as studs because they create appeal. Avoid long and angular earrings that echo your face shape. With the above tips, you are ready to flatter your face with the right earrings.

 

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In Ghanaian Village, American Woman Reigns As King

An american woman installed King in a ghanaian village
It was two years ago, at 4 a.m. at her apartment in Maryland, that Peggielene Bartels got the news from West Africa. A relative called from Ghana to say that her uncle, the king of the fishing village of Otuam, had died.
The news didn’t end there. She was also informed that she had been anointed his successor: King Peggy.
“He said, ‘No, no, no, no, Nana, don’t hang up,'” Bartels recalls. “‘We chose so many names, male and everybody, and somebody suggested that we choose your name, also. And when we poured libation and did the rituals, as soon as we mentioned your name, it started vaporing and we were surprised. So we did it three times. So that’s when we got to know that you are the king.'”
Nana Amuah-Afenyi VI is Bartels’ new title, but she is better known as King Peggy. This straight-talking, 57-year-old is the first woman in her fishing community of 7,000 people in Ghana’s Central Region to be anointed a king, or “nana.”
She now juggles two lives — from the palace in Otuam and from a modest condo outside Washington, D.C. Since the 1970s, Bartels, a naturalized U.S. citizen, has been a secretary at Ghana’s Embassy in Washington where she still spends most of her time, running royal affairs back home in Otuam over the phone and on trips to Ghana.
“So, when they told me, I was a little bit reluctant to accept it, because it comes with responsibilities. And here is a secretary in the United States, I have my own obligations, bills and stuff and becoming a king, you have to be really rich,” she says.
“And then, as if someone was talking to me, a voice said, ‘Accept it, it is your destiny and you will be helped to help your people.'”
With help from her friends and scraping together her own savings, King Peggy says she is determined to help her people in Ghana to progress.
On a sweltering day in Ghana, Peggy is overseeing her uncle’s funeral. A slight breeze is blowing in from the Atlantic Ocean and the freshly painted blue and white royal residence gleams. In the sandy courtyard, drums are beating while a man in a trance performs a frenzied dance before a sea of red and black — mourners dressed for a royal burial.
The former king died in 2008, but his body was kept in a mortuary until King Peggy could save up enough money to give him a proper send-off. She’s dressed like a king — albeit with a touch of lipstick — wrapped toga-style in regal red traditional fabric and seated upon a royal stool.
Dignitaries attending the funeral include another royal, Nana Boakye Asafo Adjei, the Sanahane, or ruler, of Asamankese Traditional Area in eastern Ghana.
He said he had nothing but respect for King Peggy.
“I’ve been really surprised by what she has done because I thought being a woman, she can’t,” he said. “But she has competed with the men, so I give her congratulations. She is now a king, so she has a lot to handle.”
Bartels says most people are willing to work with a woman as their traditional ruler.
“The women are so happy for me, they are really on my side,” she says. “But it’s only a few elderly men — because they are used to bossing females around. And I don’t give them the chance. They are the people resisting me.”
She adds that during meetings, if they feel she is coming on too strong, they say: “‘Listen you’re a woman, so you listen to us.’ Then I also say, ‘I’m in the States, I’m a woman and, in the rituals with the ancestors, you chose me in the name of God, so shut up and sit down.’ And they will sit.”
Back in the U.S., King Peggy is on the lecture circuit, talking about Ghana, its traditions and her fishing community. While she’s in Otuam, she presides over fisherfolk and has confronted many hurdles, including, she says, tackling graft and dishonesty within the royal circle.
“At first when I started, it was a tough challenge because they were just collecting our family fishing fees and they were misusing the funds. But I came on so strong,” she says. “So I had a tough time straightening that out.”
Dressed in customary black and red funeral clothing, villagers from the Otuam fishing community carry the casket of their late ruler Nana Amuah-Afenyi V, who died two years ago. He is succeeded by his niece, King Peggy, a secretary at the Ghanaian embassy in Washington, who says she had to save up to give her uncle a fitting send-offKing Peggy insisted future proceeds go directly into an account in a rural bank they opened in her village. She rejuvenated her royal council to include people she trusted, and has turned her attention to improving the lives of her community.
The next project is to build a high school for students who have finished ninth grade, she says.
A villager, carrying a large basin upon her head, gives King Peggy high marks for her rule. Aba Nyame Bekyere, 51, a former fishmonger, says she’s pleased with what she hears Bartels is doing for Otuam, especially for women and children.
“Those of us who didn’t go to school, particularly the women, we’d like to learn,” she says through a translator. “And we need a high school here, so that our kids don’t have to go so far away to study.”
King Peggy is getting help from donors in the U.S., including the Shiloh Baptist Church in Landover, Md. Pastor Be Louis Colleton and his congregation heard about Bartels, met her and committed to helping her fishing community.
Colleton and more than a dozen other Americans accompanied her from Maryland to Ghana this fall and traveled to palm tree-lined Otuam, along the shores of what used to be part of West Africa’s Atlantic slave coast.
“We have covenant with Nana, the king — we as a church — to help her to better her community of people to bring fresh water,” he says. “Now we’re moving toward the possibility of establishing a school.”
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